The start of the great Mozambique adventure.................

After an epic 11 hour flight from Heathrow to Johannesburg and a further hour to Beira, we had finally made it to Africa, Mozambique to be precise. We were quite dazed but had further turmoil getting through stringent visa operations and then had the challenge of finding a guy Drew and Rafa had prepped us about called 'Short'. Luckily this was simple as he was the only one wearing an Arsenal shirt! He led us out front of the airport/small wooden building to what we can only describe as a moody postman pat type vehicle. It looked as though it only had 3 wheels and 2 gears but Short powered the beast up and drove us 5 hours to Manica in rather cramped circumstances (English health and safety just wouldn't allow). However the journey should have taken 3 hours according to our sources but he literally dodged every pot hole in Mozambique. On the way we got a phone call from Drew to give us some info about what was in store for us. As Will (Willy out here apparently) was talking, a fishing rod with a dead bird came through the window and almost took his eye out. Short informed us this was actually a live guinea fowl and he then bought two of them for his dinner later that night. The journey was quite an experience to say the least with literally people walking everywhere with stuff (ranging from wooden sticks to barrels of water) on their heads and guinea fowl in hand.



The love bug



We arrived at the club (Grupo Desportivo de Manica/ GDM) where we would be staying with the first team players and the manager old Miguel Mourinho (more about this charismatic figure later). We expected basic living conditions and it was great to see that our room lived up to such high expectations. Although we didn't expect to be sharing with Gavin and Gordon the geckos. It was also splendid to see that Drew and Rafa had left their sweaty bed sheets for us to jump straight into that night, as well as an assortment of books for us to read including Alan Carr Chatty Man, oh no wait that was Meggo's! Although, jokes aside as Schalk would say, they did leave Jonathan Ross' autobiography, some Vaseline and skin soothing lotion (we'll leave that to your imaginations). Anyhow we went to make new friends at the club's bar, including Sharan the feisty bar maid and a chap who nicknamed himself Mario Ballotelli, creating his own catchphrase "1 chance, 1 goal!" Later we will tell you how this is very un-true. We watched a bit of Real Madrid vs Barcelona on what appeared to be Manica's only TV with an illegal satellite linked up to Iraqi cable, and then decided to hit the hay after a 24 hour journey across the world.

Will modelling the apartment

The next day it was time to get down to some hard work and what we'd come to Mozambique to achieve. We had an easy start with a nice lay in before meeting a very smiley man named David 'Hardlife' Sandae who showed us the FC Manica home pitch and spoke to us about our roles for the club. We then got our first taste of Mozambican football as we watched the girls team and U16's train in unbearable heat (apparently cold to them as they were wearing wooly hats!) Later that evening we were introduced to the staple diet of rice and beans and joined a thrivellous game of Uno whereby a player named Lloyd got quite agitated when we pretended we knew how to play and actually made up the rules as we went along- typical English! We were also very taken back by the bombardment of Portuguese mixed with some Shona spoken which we still sit and nod at today. We also felt quite intimidated when exploring the surrounding area with cars aiming to hit us, small children begging for money and the extraordinary market which operated under candle light and seemed to twist and turn for miles. However the hard work was to start the next day.



Pingi and Hardlife (David really!)


Our body's seemed paralysed when a guy called Pingi (Pingu for comedic effect) knocked on our doors at 6 am telling us that he and Hardlife were in charge of youth football operations and that we would be training the U17's side every morning bright and early. The next shock was that there were 34 kids at the session with 5 footballs, half a dozen cones and not a single bib. We watched Hardlife in action and realised we needed to pump up the 15 Sondico balls we brought with us for the next day. It is also very cold in the mornings and evenings here but as soon as the sun rises the heat hits straight away, therefore making the tracksuit seem very unnecessary. After the session we were put straight into match action as the first team play the reserves every Thursday in training. When we say play, it's a full out 90 minute match with no subs and in immense heat (so more of a struggle really). We also learnt that the dirt pitch was, to be polite, very bobbly and a fair bit uneven, therefore resulting in the ball being out of our control at all times. It also felt like we were playing a team of Michael Essiens mixed with a lone striker of Didier Drogba. However we felt we held our own and made it to the end having lost 5 stone in sweat. Afterwards the physio/team priest Sherife got us in a huddle, said a little prayer and chanted "Todas por um, um por todas", which translates to "all for one and one for all". It highlights how close the players are and their family like bond.



Us in coaching action (Notice the man in the wooly hat behind)

 Anyway to the more serious work, coaching the children of Mozambique! We've had a fair few weekly sessions already. The first to mention is at Costa Do Sol Bairro Vumba (Vumba being the huge mountains overlooking Manica), which was an experience to say the least. We walked off the main road and up a series of thin dirt tracks. We passed many small huts made of wooden sticks with people and animals all over the place welcoming us and being very friendly. It is hard to get the scale of poverty across in words but we walked further through streams of dirty water, across a railway track which was totally unmarked and then through some high vegetation to a small clearing. It had two bamboo goals at either end and was on a steep slanting hill. The pitch was like dusty sand which had huge cracks in it due to the hot weather but to the kids here it was like Emirates turf. The kids were so excited to see us that they grabbed the bag of footballs, fighting one another just to touch a ball. When a small chap kicked his up into a tree we as English folk gave up on it, however he scampered up the tree with great craft and returned with it in 20 seconds. The session went well with us introducing them to Van Persie fist pump celebrations, Eboue dancing, Drogba dives and Almunia flaps in the air. We then ran through some fun drills which were as silly as possible and had a match on their patch. They sent us off with a traditional sing song and clapping dance to say thank you and warning us not to forget to go back!! Morale, Morale, Morale.......................

Will and the kids of Costa Do Sol

On Wednesdays and Fridays we visit the local orphanage called Anda via small mini-bus/van taxi which would not pass any health and safety laws back home. There are literally 9 seats occupied by at least 15 people and a man who lets you off whilst the vehicle is still moving. This is a further challenge when carrying footballs and cones at the same time. The orphanage is a very moving experience because the children are very young and have so little opportunity in life. Therefore when we go in to provide a fun time for them they are so happy and this makes us feel like we are making a real, REAL difference to their lives. We must also mention that to get to other sessions we frequently hitch hiked in all kinds of motor vehicle. Highlights including a lady from Zimbabwe called Linda who drove a nice BMW and two drunken geezers who let us jump on the back of their open truck! We then have further sessions with girls and kids ranging in age from 11 to 18 at the clubs home pitch (Campo Municipal), an old Bull-ring stadium (they swear it was a functioning stadium once upon a time) and a local school- Escola Do Congresso. The Bull-ring (a.k.a- Giant Killer Bairro Vumba) is also where the clothes market is situated selling used football shirts from the early 90's and where the women all take a liking to Will as he walks past! This is also near the location of what Drew and Rafa nicknamed moody Nando's, the location of our weekly meeting with Pingi and Hardlife on the weeks aims.

Happy children!

We have also been watching the players from GDM coaching kids sessions and making notes to address in the next few weeks. We will be starting up staff training for the players, like what we had from Arsenal in the months before coming away. We are also going to start English and IT lessons for the players in order to help their progression in life.

In terms of the club itself, the GDM first team are a very high level, seeking promotion to the Mozambique Premier League. Their first game was a 40 minute drive from Manica to Chimoioi with the head of transport (Short) at the helm of the mini-bus. Again health and safety would have a fit as players took their own plastic seats on the bus to sit on in the aisle and others standing at the front! A very strange experience! We must also mention our buddies Joana and Zambo who are the fluent English speakers and who have been very kind to us since we arrived. Even though Zambo gives quite abusive English banter towards us (calling Will fat and Meggo skinny, but that's in polite terms) and Jo almost getting us into a fight at the matches. This due to us being the minority fans at the away stadium and Jo singing GDM over and over again! 
The first match was a solemn affair with TextAfrica in the league in which there was one chance and they scored to win. The second game however was in the Mozambique cup against the same opposition this time resulting in a famous 1-0 win, due to a goal from Lloyd (The Money Mayweather) setting up a local derby cup final against Vumba, which will be as tasty an Arsenal v Spurs game. So far mixed results and a disappointing lack of goals which Miguel (Mourinho) is starting to address in his demanding training sessions. He also has a habit of talking about every detail that occurred during the weekend's match which usually takes up half the session.

Us in U17's action

We were also asked to play for the second team called Gallos (obviously if the transfer window was open we would be solid first team material). Again not alot to report on the score line as this was a hard earned 0-0 at home to moody Spurs (Vumba). Meggo had a solid display in the Vermaelen role (centre back if you don’t know who that is). There were three main incidents in our debut. The first being a clear cut opportunity to take the lead mid- way through the first half, as Will who was partnering Balotelli (we mentioned him earlier) up front, slid a pass in towards him, which from three yards out he then spooned over the bar. He has since been given the nickname 'one chance one miss'. The second talking point came in the second half when Will got a straight red card for argueing with the referee (done a Joe Cole on his debut), and finally Meggo kicking the ball out of the arena to waste time as that was the only ball we had. There was still 20 minutes to go though!!

Meggo and his crew

Finally for this part (if you're still awake?) we have to mention an unforgettable experience on the Mozambique clubbing scene. Ballotelli, Pingi and Sharan gave us a guided tour of the hottest night spots for disco in Manica starting at 8pm and finishing at 4.30 am. The music was only a decade behind which we were quite impressed with, whilst the clubs/discos themselves were like our grandparents living rooms with a small wooden area to dance in the middle. The drinks were cheap, although because we are here to work we stuck to the one beer (wink, wink!) As for the dancing, it was like celebrating a million goals with Asamoah Gyan over and over again, incredible moves from Balotelli in-particular!

African clubbing night with Pingi and Sharan

So that’s our 2 weeks so far, we've probably missed some great stuff out but if we remember we'll stick it in next weeks edition. We'll try and keep it weekly so you're not too bored by such waffle ha ha!!!!

Waka Waka, it's time for Africa!!!!